


Bittersweet Tragedies

by ghoulromantism



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise Needs a Hug, M/M, Neopronouns, Self-Hatred, black reaper!Kaneki, im projecting vvv hard on kaneki, kaneki needs therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24021406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghoulromantism/pseuds/ghoulromantism
Summary: Ken was standing in front of the mirror in the little bathroom of his apartment. He was leaning against the sink, staring into nothingness with an empty expression on his face. His eyes were directed towards his reflection, but he wasn't looking at himself. He was more focused on trying to quiet his thoughts; he just wished they'd shut the fuck up already. But they were right: he was just a disgusting monster. After all, on top of being the wretched result of a sick experiment, he killed people in cold blood every single day.
Relationships: Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 1





	Bittersweet Tragedies

**Author's Note:**

> ty 2 elmaxlys on tumblr 4 beta-reading this
> 
> this title sucks but i dont have any other ideas

Ken was standing in front of the mirror in the little bathroom of his apartment. He was leaning against the sink, staring into nothingness with an empty expression on his face. His eyes were directed towards his reflection, but he wasn't looking at himself. He was more focused on trying to quiet his thoughts; he just wished they'd shut the fuck up already. But they were right: he was just a disgusting monster. After all, on top of being the wretched result of a sick experiment, he killed people in cold blood every single day. He tried not to care, really, but sometimes the guilt hit him like a tsunami and his emotionless composure came crashing down. He tried, he tried oh so hard to focus on something else. He had to get ready for work, but he couldn't move, he was paralyzed by the storm in his mind. All he could do was stare back at his reflection, at those empty, soulless grey eyes he had carefully created to hide from Arima-san, Akira-san, and everyone else at the CCG. And he hated it, the pretending, he hated acting like he didn't care, like he never did, when that was so far from the truth. But he had to, he had to keep up the mask, he had to keep mimicking Arima-san. It was the only way everyone would finally trust him. He had to abandon his humanity, to become nothing more than a weapon to serve the CCG, or no one would ever trust him.

As he kept staring into the mirror, he felt someone quietly approach him from behind. Had he not quickly recognized Pandora's smell, he would've torn through aer body in a split second with his kagune. _I truly am just a horrible monster_ , he thought, _ready to kill my boyfriend at any second..._

Pandora awkwardly wrapped aer arms around his body. It was actually the first time ae did something like that — they were both quite inexperienced with relationships, and they both had a hard time expressing their emotions. Suddenly Pandora felt Ken shudder in aer arms, and ae clumsily stepped back, apologizing profusely.

But the Black Reaper didn't answer. He didn't say anything, and if he hadn't started shaking, Pandora would've thought he was mad at aer.  
"K-Ken?... A-are you alright?..." ae asked anxiously.  
He slowly turned around with a sob, revealing the tears welling up in his eyes.  
"I-I don't know..." he said, his voice shaking and breaking.  
Tears were flowing down his face now, and his whole body was trembling uncontrollably. Knowing that his facade had been shattered in front of his boyfriend only made him feel even worse; he trusted aer, of course, but he didn't want aer to worry. There was still this unshakable fear lingering at the back of his mind that Pandora would hate him and leave him and he'd be all alone, with no one to trust, no one who accepts him as he is, forever. He had to be perfect, he had to be flawless. He couldn't show any sign of weakness, he couldn't make any mistake, or everyone would hate him and abandon him. There was no second chance for someone like him. 

Pandora slowly approached him and pulled him back into a hug. It was soft, gentle, unsure. And just as slowly, Ken wrapped his arms around aer as well. He clutched the back of aer shirt and cried and sobbed and wept in aer shoulder. Ae started stroking his hair, uncertainty making aer hand shake slightly. Ae didn't mind if he soaked aer shirt with tears; he clearly needed the release.  
"I-it's okay... it's okay... Everything is okay..." ae whispered repeatedly. Words weren't aer forte, but ae still wanted to do everything in aer power to help Ken feel better.

Ken stopped crying after a few minutes, but they stayed like this, in each other's arms. His body was still shaken by a sob from time to time. Once he felt calm enough, he slowly stepped away and wiped the tears left in his eyes with his sleeve.  
"... Thank you..." his voice had returned to its usual emotionless tone, although it was a little cracked.  
"Do... do you feel a little better?" asked Pandora.  
He nodded. His hands were still trembling slightly, but things were still better.  
"I do. Thank you. And... sorry about your clothes.  
\- I-it's fine, I'll just... I'll just get changed."

Pandora turned around, but as ae was about to leave the room, ae felt Ken's hand on aers. Ae looked at him, slightly surprised.  
"I... I know this is unusual for me to say, but I... I love you. Thank you... Thank you for being here for me."  
A faint blush spread across Pandora's face.  
"N-no need to thank me... I love you too."


End file.
